Handling Special Occasions
Navigating grief during holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries after the loss of a child.
Some days feel heavier than others.
Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries—and even ordinary days that suddenly aren’t—can bring a wave of grief that feels overwhelming.
I found these moments especially difficult, often bringing a new layer of emotion when I least expected it. There’s no way to fully prepare for them. But there are ways to move through them, gently.
There is no right way to move through special occasions after the loss of a child.
You don’t have to follow traditions, meet expectations, or do what others think you should do.
You’re allowed to do what feels manageable for you.
Some gentle ways to move through these days
Honor them quietly
You might choose to light a candle, buy a bouquet of flowers to honor them, visit a special place, write a note, or simply take a moment to remember. It doesn’t have to be anything big to be meaningful.
Change the day
Some years, it may feel easier to do something completely different. Leave town, skip the usual traditions, or create something new. That’s okay too.
Keep it simple
You don’t have to fill the day. Sometimes just getting through it is enough.
Be around people—or don’t
You may want support, or you may want space. Both are valid. Let yourself choose what feels right in the moment.
Step away if you need to
If something feels too hard, you’re allowed to leave, say no, or change plans. You don’t need to push through everything.
Over time, I learned that these days don’t get easier in a predictable way, but they do change. Some feel heavier than others. Some surprise you.
I stopped trying to handle them the “right” way, and instead began to listen to what I needed each time they came around.
However it looks for you is okay.
Take these moments as they come, and give yourself permission to do only what feels manageable.
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